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Liminal, Not Lost.

by Chasing South

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1.
I wouldn’t care for the sun If daylight was all I knew So thank God for the clouds that come And paint black over placid blue It’s a lesson in resilience I’ll scream and pray and I’ll get through this It’s always dark before the dawn Clichéd I know but prove it wrong I guess the hardship of the last few years Has turned me into at least a fragment of who I can be And the tempering I never asked for Has made me stronger and has helped my eyes to see only you Even when they are failing Rorschach your shapes Are hanging in the sky like omens But I am not defined or bound by them I am redeemed by Christ, my hope’s in Him He’s all I need for this life And all I’ll ever need for all that’s after Oh God, please come and fill me now Life is empty without you
2.
Dig Me Up 01:25
Don’t wanna live for vanity Don’t wanna live for vanity Don’t wanna live for Vanity- I don’t Misery and apathy And their best friend anxiety Are piling dirt on top of me Come dig me out Don’t let this get the best of me Don’t let this monster trample me Please show me all that I can be with you God, I’ve got this thing inside of me A hidden room that no one sees And I am sick of this disease Come dig me out Don’t you think it’s funny How the dirt just piles up on me?
3.
Grey skies lead to grey minds I don’t know much more than I did last year So many chances came and went- and I’m still standing here I’ve demonised my thoughts, I’ve demonised my mind Jesus I want to be like you but I always seem to find Myself failing, falling, sinking and blindly reaching out in the dark And I’ve got so much to ask you burning a hole in my heart If grey skies lead to grey minds Why don’t open skies lead to open minds? If we just looked hard, then we would find our hearts Why don’t we look so we can find ourselves? It seems like greying skies lead to a greying mind And a displaced mind leads to a darkening sky If we just looked hard, then we might all find our hearts And find ourselves I’ll scream this out until my heart believes ‘Til my lungs collapse and I am pushing up daisies I am a product of anxiety and my mistakes This heart and soul are yours. I need you here- come save me Here’s not where I want to be But it’s closer than where you’ve been Here’s not where I want to be My son, come and find your rest in me
4.
Come inside and bring your chisels And all the tools you need to do your trade Because I’m made of rough edges And fixing that just can’t be done my own way Renovate this black knot I call a heart Even if you tear the whole damn thing apart Believing you can fix me is as scary as what’s happening to me I surrender. Use this to make me something I can’t be On my own Belief is not saying “we believe” And belief is not believing we believe Belief in something is when we act as though it were true I give up my life for the rest of my life Because I want to truly live
5.
S.A.F.E. 03:38
I want this one buried somewhere Lost inside of record two Where it’s got the least chance of being heard Or much less dwelled on by you I’m hoping it will be just as cathartic As all the songs that’ve come before Depth, Atlantis, Negative Space and now this Don’t look at my sleeve ‘cause my heart’s on the floor I'm sitting beside it I think that I’ll lie down and try get some sleep And while I am dreaming I’ll try to keep from dreaming of you I never had cause to write you a song Save for unrequited love But that’s just misery with added investment And I’ve had enough I swore I wouldn’t write for you You’d never hear it anyway But depravity bends my will to bow bow and break Until I’m drowning in the depth of your name I’m saying I’m sorry To the one who inspired the EP I’m saying I’m sorry To the one one who’s a thousand miles across the sea You flickered in and out of my life Like I sometimes phase in and out Salient one second, forgotten the next And you’ll never hear what I’m screaming about All you’ll ever hear is me screaming
6.
Cancer took your livelihood And in ’16 you died in Vancouver A constant changed the day you left I honestly thought this would go sooner You were supposed to show me how to see the best in me You were supposed to pave the way But now you’re gone- the bell jar’s down And I’m suffocating waiting for who I might be one day It feels like I am suspended in the air Liminal for sure, but not okay I’m in the space between two places Having lost the safety of yesterday Goodbye is forever, but you’re not really gone And until I infest therefore I am- it’s goodbye and so long I wonder what the weather’s like in Vancouver this time of year Would I let God down if I let my guard down? But I can never let God down, because I never held him up All the words you screamed which tore your throat to shreds Are nestled in my head, and I will never forget them or you And there are no words I can find to say how much you mean to me You showed me what music could be, and now all I can do Is wonder what the weather’s like in Vancouver this time of year And if it would be worth my time to cross the world so I could find you there But for now it’s goodbye and so long from me- thank you for helping me see That I can never let God down, because I never held him up It was, is and always will be the other way around And that will never change, no matter what they call the ground under my feet
7.
Sometimes I don’t think it’s safe to be around you You always seem to do the worst things to my mind God help me 'cause it happens all the time I could say you’re all harlots, you’re all wraiths You’re all vultures, and you’re all snakes But I’d be better served with an anchor around my neck and diving into a lake I can’t make this any better for myself and I am sorry But I sure as hell won’t let you make it worse If I’m a thorn in my side at the best of times What am I at the worst? Hating myself and all of you is easier than pulling all of these splinters out I know it’s not just me dying, but it seems I’m always saying “Oh, God please come and save me- I’ve lost my way and life is raining” I think maybe I’d do better to wear these words on my heart instead “Hallelujah- He is strongest when I cave in!” But I never do Every blessing that you’ve given me Feels like it will be ripped away (because of this lonely weather) Because even though you call me home, and call me by my name I’m worshipping anxiety (and I can’t think straight in this lonely weather) And it… Wears me right down, ‘til I can’t stand again It wears me right down ‘til I can’t stand again
8.
Writing was security Oh God, it seems eternity Is the void between a good idea And the ink stains I call words that I vomit here Tomorrow never comes but yesterday Hangs like a spectre over me And the lies that I consume so willingly Are the dirt upon the shovel that’s slowly burying me God, I looked outward and found nothing Looked inward and found that it was much the same Why the hell do I keep forgetting to look up When I’m struggling to put fingers to keys or a pen to a blank page I never thought that I would be Cursing my extremities That I used to guide so willingly Across the strings and pages that have come to be Empty, empty, empty- I am All out of ideas with no back up plan Crack my ribs so the void inside has a place to go I feel so empty sometimes- God you know I feel alone Take my weary head and lay it low Take my broken heart and slowly make it whole
9.
Where have you been While we’ve been bleeding All over our guitars and onto the floors Of half-empty dive bars? You said you were surprised By how much we had changed As if you’d been beside us Every single step of the way Let your words carry some damn weight Come watch us ruin our hands and our lungs Not out of misplaced pity Come show your face I’ll be disgraced Far too much to play this song But I’ve got a funny feeling That when you finally find the time All of this will be dead, buried, and gone I don’t care I’m just being honest All of this will be dead, buried, and gone
10.
Lost Boys 03:19
Lost- so far from what this was But are we lost? I’d say it’s a matter of perspective And mine has changed because I’m finally spilling my heart Rather than blood from my hands Everyone moving on as we find new life Did we forget to grow up or just stay on dry land While you drowned who you are to fit in It took the better half of a decade To get the point across This isn’t just a game It’s a way to say that we are weary but we haven’t lost yet How did we end up here? Lost- so far from what this was But are we lost? I’d say it’s a matter of perspective And mine has changed because It’s all in what you make of it We give it all because it’s all we’ve got
11.
Atlantis 03:20
I can’t get used to this This will not be my swan song But it may well be a phoenix death And a step toward moving on If home’s where the heart is Then my home is in ruins Not because it’s been broken But ‘cause it beats for a million things If home’s where the heart is Then my home is a travesty That I’ve created by staring at the sea Trying to find one thing to make it sing I’d rather live in chaos In a crowded city built by man Than die down here in Atlantis on my own With no sign of land
12.
I don’t know why I expect you To dive into the void I make when I hear your name There’s nothing past that save for vanity Yet in my head you’re my April Rain God, I can’t have heard you clearly I swore you said she was made for me Peace would embrace me if I knew either way But fear of the unknown paints me in misery So what should I do instead? I’ve asked you and myself this before, and still don’t know I swore I wouldn’t hang myself up on anyone else But here I am, at the mercy of a recursive heart- and so it goes I can’t stop creating fantasy and choking on nostalgia It’s so regular and saccharine and it makes me sick God you are purpose- yet I’ve made her my anchor… again So call me out. Call from the deep Down, down, down Where are the stirrings of old? I am afraid of walking out onto the stormy sea I am terrified of drowning, but with you I know I never have to be I never have to be I don’t need an April Rain to define me or to keep me sane You gave up everything- I just give up on everything. Yet you still call my name You still call my name

credits

released January 29, 2021

Chasing South is:

Chris Dies- Vocals, Guitar
Micah Fleming- Bass, Vocals
Jacob Owen- Guitar, Vocals
Ngariki Muru- Drums, Vocals

Additional vocal performances:
-Lily Mou (The First Child)
-Jai Aronsen (Take Hold)
-Kent Hartmann (ex Lead Us Forth)
-Jared Kerr (Amanaki)

Additional drums by Angus Grainger

Gang vocals by Chasing South, Angus Grainger, Jayda Rapihana, Briana Grainger, James Balderston, Nathan Bird, and Lily Mou

Recorded by Angus Grainger

Mixed and mastered by Seth Balderston

Album artwork by Chris Dies

All songs written by Chasing South

Lyrics by Chris Dies

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Chasing South Auckland, New Zealand

Chaotic Post-Hardcore from Auckland, New Zealand.

Chris Dies- Vocals, Guitar
Micah Fleming- Bass, Vocals
Jacob Owen- Guitar, Vocals
Ngariki Muru- Drums, Vocals

facebook.com/chasingsouth for contact and shows
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